I'm not o fucking kay

So, i haven't updated this in ages. Its sad. Anyways.
Its so hard to believe that i've been out of highschool for over a year. I made it through my first year of college, kinda. Suddenly 4 years doesn't sound that long, but it is. I've been with kasey for over 7 months now, it definately doesn't feel that long. She's great, i love her.
I'm looking for a job. I had a job but got screwed out of it. Shitty situation.

well, with kasey being in flordia things are interesting. I'm having withdrawls. I cant wait until monday, seriously...(thats when she gets back)
Well, i got my car all back together today. I should be driving it tommorow evening...

so, today i check my friends page....and it is completely empty. No entries at all. Its a sad day in the world of livejournal...

Well, i got a new phone. Same number.
My car is being a bitch and not letting me fix it. The farther i get in fixing what was originally wrong with it, the more i find that is wrong. Its pissing me off.
I'm pounding my head into a wall trying to be make it until i see kasey again. She's so awesome. Amanda, if you still read these, i want to say thank you. Of course if things get shitty then i'll blame it on you as well :-P
But for now i am on the happy side of content with everything. Even if my material world is falling down around me. It doesn't matter. I've found what really matters. Love.... Nick

Well i suppose i should update this. I still havent' fixed my car. Nor have i got a new phone. Me and kasey are great... but i wish i could see her more often. Occasionally i'll see her twice a week, usually once. I suppose it keeps things from getting boring but. I haven't seen her since friday, and i already miss her.

Anywho, i worked 33 hours last week and 40 hours this week. Money is looking better. Got the 400$ for my taxes back, bought an xbox 360 with that. Then my two checks are going to make money sufficent to pay off my credit card. I'm also going to work another 3 hours a week while i'm in school, so that should make my income sufficient. Maybe i'll actually be able to afford to take kasey out occasionally.

My car is almost done.. Probably another three hours until its done. As long as everything goes right i'll have it done on tuesday. I'm going to get my windows tinted as soon as i'm done fixing my car.

I'm not looking forward to going back to school. I guess i would rather be doing homework than working.. but i gotta get to bed...

This girl feels just like an extension of me. Being so much alike that i have seen it seems scary that we haven't butted heads. Its probably just the initial infatuation that, supposedly, comes with a new relationship. Sadly this "relationship" i have with kasey has lasted longer than either of my other two. Sad isn't it. Not really actually, it shows that there are some females somewhere that have intellegence, and i finally found one. The strange thing about us being so much alike is that she is near two years younger than me. Although occasionally i can tell the age difference it is not very often.

On a more material note, i ordered the parts for my car yesterday. They were significantly cheaper than i had expected, which was a small breath of fresh air. Now the fun part is just putting them on. I can only hope that it goes smoothly.

I don't know. Really i feel like my life has been spiraling out of control, my morals have gone down the drain, i do what i want and hide it from those who don't need to know. My car and my phone are just two things to carry the momentum of this sprial. I'm slipping in school and i don't have the will to fix it. I need to get out of this state. I need the comfort of warmth. I hate cold with all my heart and soul. My parents...i really don't know what to say about them. They want me to work more(so they don't feel obligated to give me money even tho i never ask for it) and do more around the house or just move out i have no idea how i would be able to afford moving out. I thought i had grabbed something to calm this spiral but i don't believe she was firm enough in her stance and i am just bringing her with me. Really i'm spending money i don't have. If i didn't have my credit card....i wouldn't even be able to pay for my gas. Its just a shitty feeling to be putting yourself farther into the red financially, hoping that i can dig myself out this summer. Mathematically i don't make enough to pay my bills right now. Outside of her i have very little going for me. I don't know,i just need to stop bitching and just deal with the fact that life will always suck....

oh i don't have a clue. But i've decided i need a pet of some sort. I am watching my grandmothers dog for the next month or so, and i realized how much i like it. I guess it just kinda takes away the loneliness, when i'm alone that is. Things are going well with me and kasey. We went to the olive garden for valentines. It was a great experience. For the hour and a half we were there i think i put my arm around her for about five minutes and other than that we really didn't touch, which was my intentions. I wanted to make sure that we could conversate well and not be destracted by each other. And we did. We carried conversation for,essentially, the whole time we were there. Not to complain but i didn't realize olive garden was that expensive. I didn't plan on spending 40 dollars for two people. O, when we got there the server must have thought at least i was of drinking age, because he brought a bottle of wine then we passed on the wine and he started reading off alot of their alcoholic beverages. I had to tell him that we were minors. Me i didn't want to drive influenced and i didn't want her going home with alcohol on the breath. But i must prepare for work.. And i still love my livejournal.

it appears live journal has become obsolote.... Thats lame. I think i'm still going to use it. Regardless of its lack of cool new features. But anyways. I found this girl, well i don't know if i did, considering it was more of a hey this girl likes you, you should take her out. Anyways last night would be considered our third date. We get along quite well, and last night we actually had intelligent conversation, which showed we like a lot of the same things. I dunno, but i gotta get to class...peace children..

well. lifes has its ups and downs as usual. I'm kinda struggling with the homework aspect of school, as i always have. But i think if i can make it past this semster and do well then the next two should be easier, the reason i say next two is because i haven't a clue what to expect from a university. I just try to look at it like if i bust my ass through school it will all be more than worth it in the end. On another note the little shit box is a pain in the ass to drive. O and i need suggestions for valentines day. I never actually celebrated this day before. But i know i have to do something. Really i don't even know if anyone reads this anymore..

sooo, what to update.. i'm working at burger king again, not sure if i said that already. I know i won't make near as much but i know i like it 10X better. Not a whole lot is taken seriously there, and i can work as little or as much as i want, which was my biggest problem with dennys, they liked to have me on for 35 hours, not cool during school. But now, oh now i can have a life outside of work. But i do have to go to work right now. Peace fools

so i was out hangin out with a couple friends last night...and the power steering went out in my car. Which if you've ever driven something that was designed to have powersteering, but doesn't, it sucks. So i Make my way into a parking lot and pop the hood...looked like the belt just fell off, not big deal. SO i get home and one of the pulleys was pretty much sideways, not cool. So i pull that off then as were pushing my car into the barn i hit the tool cabnet and leave a huuuge scratch on my hood, like a foot and a half long and an eighth of an inch deep.And I just had the hood re painted. I mean the night could have been hella worse but that it wasn't all that good.

I'm bored so i decided to update this. I'm not really depressed anymore. Like stuff has to go catastrophically wrong for me to get down. Which is great. I can't remember the last time i smoked pot...probably been about 6 months. Its been about two months since i've drank. I think the only reason i did that stuff is because there wasn't anything else to do. I mean it is fun, but there are other things i would rather do. Well i'm off to find something to do.

...where to start. Well i guess i'll start by saying that everytime i hear lifehouse-you and me i want to destroy the thing that is projecting the sound. I'm watchcing vh1's 40 best videos of 05. So i'm just going to trail into how i feel about certain music videos. I couldn't stand nickleback's photograph song at first but now it just makes me think damn, i miss so much that i have had. Even fallen friendships. Like almost all the people i was so close to at northwest... Like this guy, dan mast, who i was soo close to for like 3 years. We were inseperable for those times.. going to eachothers houses pretty much everyday, and this may seem a little weird but we actually talked on the phone quite a bit when we weren't hanging out. And if your thinking there might have been something a little "crooked" there, there wasn't. We were just really great friends. But i have only talked to him in like twice in the last three years. Boulevard of broken dreams. Enough said. And mariah won, with we belong together. Good song. Well its 1:30 now so i gotta go to sleep... maybe i'll update more on the songs in the morning...

life sucks.... i failed three classes this semester and withdrew for another one...so i paid for 4 classes i didn't get credit for....roughly 1000$ down the drain. I think i should have taken a year off...to rethink whats going on in my life. I don't know... this break is going to involve a lot of thinking and planning.

1. Have you ever been drunk? yea

2. How old were you the first time you got drunk? 18


3. Have you ever gotten/given digits while intoxicated? haha, if i did i don't remember


4. Have you ever drunk dialed'? no


5. Have you ever been drunk in front of family members? yea my parents....when i woke up still drunk....and went to church


6. Have you ever had to cover up the fact that you were drunk?^


7. Have you ever been arrested for any alcohol related crime?no


8. Have you ever hooked-up with someone while drunk? no


9. Ever forgot their name? i dunno...

10. When was the last time you were drunk? been about two months


11. Have you ever been on a drunken binge? you could say that


12. Do you need alcohol to have a good time? no, but it helps...in some situations at least

13. What kind of alcohol gets you the most intoxicated? cheap whiskey


14. Favorite liquor: 80 proof so-co


15. Favorite beer: gross beer!


16. Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking and found out that you were still drunk? yea...and two days later....what a night


17. Have you ever swam drunk? kinda


18. What kind of a drunk are you?i don't know...lets find out.


19. Is alcohol like "truth serum" to you? kinda...


20. Favorite drinking partner: i'd say brock


21. Favorite bar?


22. Have you ever completely blacked out? Not from beer :-P


23. Have you ever puked from drinking? yea...really it wasn't as bad as everyone said


24. Have you ever had the 'crying drunks'? no


25. Can you still do physical activity while intoxicated? that depends on the activity


26. Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight? no


27. Who is the most annoying drunk that you know? not sure.


28. Who is the most flirtatious drunk that you know? dunno...me?


29. Do you have a drunken nickname? not really


30. Have you recieved a booty call? haha....right, someone call me?


31. Funniest drunken scene: brock mooning everybody....


32. Favorite song(s) about drinking: i dont listen to country

34. Have you ever been hit on by someone way older than you? kinda

35. What's the worst 'buzz kill'? people getting pissed off


36. Have you ever dated a bartender or bouncer or cocktail? cocktail? haha


37. Do you ever say to yourself, "Dang, I need a drink."? everyday


38. Do strangers ever buy you a drink? No


39. Have you ever drank too much on a date? no


40. Is there anything that you refuse to drink? i try to drink beer....but usually beer


41. Have you ever been drunk on a plane? no


42. Have you ever gotten drunk during the day? yea.... walkin around a water park with vodka in a sprite bottle. :D


43. Have you ever had to run from the cops and leave the beer behind? no

44. What's your favorite drinking game? apparently i don't drink enough


45. Have you ever injured yourself while drunk? umm no


46. What's the most destructive thing that you have done while you were drunk? nothing that i remember


47. Are you drunk right now? haha....i wish


48. What's the worst thing you have lost while drinking? maybe some money...

well i put my two weeks notice in a dennys. all i have to say is fuck that place. i also hate being alive...and not being able to find a girl...seems like every girl i pursue only wants to be friends....what is it about me that makes people feel that way?

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
my elbow from crashing a dirtbike on concrete

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
a spiderman poster

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKe?
white and grey camera phone

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
pretty much anything other than death metal

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
no clue

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
peace, in my life at least

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
do you really want to know?

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
health, physical at least

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
ummm i'm not sure

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
not really

11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
no

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
we won't go there but i bet most of you know who she is

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
axe is all i use

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
hmm, depends. dark but not too long is good.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
Wouldn't that be my job?

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
depends, but id say energy drinks

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
pepperoni

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
haha.....

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
not sure...

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
no i do not

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)
i don't know...life?

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
maybe

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Nope

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
thor mx

25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
ford gt40

26. DO YOU HAVE A BONER RIGHT NOW?
noo

27. ARE YOU HORNY?
haha

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Everyone will be gone eventually, so yes.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Tell them and show them....different ways depending on the person


30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED :
bugaaaahhhht

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Blondes

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
My voicemail...

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
not being successful

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
yea, canada and mexico

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
women

36. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
off a beach somewhere warm....

37. FIRST JOB?
BK

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
prolly7

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Being pissed off at the world....for being so cold(double meaning intended)

40.IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
naaa i'll pass

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
boredome

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
nothing really

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
slaughter millions

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i don't deserve a thing....

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
one, maybe two

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My middle name is from my great grandpa

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
sometimes.....

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
i dunno

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
not to long ago.....life is hard

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
yes i do

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
ham

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
yea....

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
i'll go with nickleback silver side up

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
prolly not

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
yea... i regret it, of course.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
yes

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
suppressing it or smashing things

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
i don't even have a home....just a house with my parents...

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
yea....

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
s-nes

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
a lot
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
nope :-P

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
definately

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
some one down to earth...that i find attractive...and mature..somewhat at least.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
shrek

67. DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
no

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nope

69. WHO IS YOUR CRUSH?
thats for me to know and for them to probably already know

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR
good question

71. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT ON A DATE?
i dunno

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Black and Red

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
how ever many your supposed to (not) have

74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
being happy when nothing is going right....

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONs?
why not

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the wind

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
grilled cheese

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
brock

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
the general area above the shoulders

80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOCING SONG:
atreyu-remembrance ballad

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE:
most people

82. FAVORITE DRINK?
water or monster energy

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN:
none

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
motocross for sure

85. HAIR COLOR?
favorite? a black that isn't natural, mines black

86. EYE COLOR?
favorite would be blue or hazel, but i like brown too...like mine

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
no

88. SIBLINGS?
steve

89. FAVORITE MONTH?
june

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
don't know

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
drawn together for about five minutes last night

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
it takes a lot of courage but if i know they want to then its cake. almost too easy

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
both, but i like the kissing part better.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
umm...well i can't seem to make either happen, although i've never attempted the latter

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Anyone bored...like me

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTION?
haha, people with lifes....wait...ummmmmm

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
none right now,but i'm thinkin about picking one up.

100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
I dunno...prolly

blah. today sucked. when i'm in a bad mood i can't deal with people... problem is thats my job. i seriously almost started crying today because i was so pissed and then being forced to deal with more people makes me even more pissed. I can't keep goin on like this. so anyways i said i wanted to start cooking and one manager said you have to be fast and i said i can if i need to be, the other manager laughed at me....i walked out of the store and came home. Then i get home read a bulletin on myspace that made me peer in the past..i seemingly tore open a deep wound that hadn't finished healing...then listening to taking back sunday, a hopeless end to hate inspiring day. Ive been run ragged, i'm burnt out, i've lost that happyness. i'm an asshole now, i don't laugh anymore unless its to make money...and everytime its done for that reason another part of me dies swiftly. i'm withdrawing from my english class because i'm working to much to have time to write/reasearch my papers. Its cool tho cuz then i can sleep in on mondays and wednesdays...for now. i just want to get drunk and forget out all of this....